Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
