Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
