I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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