Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
