So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't turn off my feet"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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