the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
