and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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