Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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