im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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