I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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