FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
