Non-Jews are for practice
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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