Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
