Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
