on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
