My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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