Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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