I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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