Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
