you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize