We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
