I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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