I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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