Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
