no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
