shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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