And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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