Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
