dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
