I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
