before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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