The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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