This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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