I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
