i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
false alarm, still single
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
