She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
