So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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