You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
