oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
