I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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