Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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