I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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