there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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