Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
