Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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