I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
