k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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