I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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