you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you will always have a special place in my vag
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
