Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
