dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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