you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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