Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize