decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
