i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
