Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize