I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize