Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
