Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
