yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
