dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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