who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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