She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
