Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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