Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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