I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
