This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
