when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize