I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
