I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I will die if light touches me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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