this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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