I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
