that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
