i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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